Stop Praying for Singles to Get Married!!!

Phew! This is one post that has been building up in my head for such a long time. Finally got the time to pen it down as a rant. Yes, this a rant. I have never been to a meeting or been among a group where when they decided it was time to pray for singles, there is more than one prayer point. There is usually just that one prayer point and it is always that they will find the right person and marry well, bla, bla, bla.


Can y’all not get more creative?

This does not happen only in meetings (by meetings I am referring more to church meetings) but in small, informal gatherings as well. You just let about 3 or more people be gathered to talk and if the conversation somehow slides towards marriage and the next thing will be wishes and prayers for singles to get married. Thank you dear married people (and some single folks too) for your concern, honestly it is appreciated but I wish you would care about other parts of my life too.

Ahan! E no dey do una? Is that the only thing y’all can pray for when you think about or see singles? If I were to count the number of the times someone has prayed for me not to gbe egun elegun, it would be 25 times more than the number of times they have prayed for me to make money or for my non-profit to thrive.

E don do biko!

E don do biko!

Please get your heads out of the sand people, there is more to life than marriage. Do not get me wrong o, in my opinion, marriage is a fantastic somtin and is one of the most important things of life. I want to get married and look forward to doing so but it is not the only thing I have come to do to this world to do. We cannot ‘pleyz’ focus on only one thing *in Falz’s voice* How many marriages have been ruined because one of the couple was having issues career wise and it spilled over into the marriage? How many marriages have been ruined because of money issues? Don’t those other things need prayers too?

Lemme not just rant sha. It may be that you guys honestly know nothing else to pray about when it comes to single people. So I have created a list that I think you will find useful in guiding you in praying for us single folks. We really do need and appreciate your prayers after all.

  1. Fulfilling purpose (Purpose is more than marriage! Marriage for sure affects your purpose, it can make or mar it. But what of those that do not even know what their purpose is at all, y’all cannot pray that they should know what it is?)
  2. Knowing how to handle finances (The knowledge on how to make and use money and how to use it to God’s glory and benefit of humanity is a great thing to pray for someone to have)
  3. Enjoying and making the most of their single days (Too many people plan and long for marriage that they forget to enjoy being single)
  4. Increase in wisdom (No need to explain this)
  5. Direction for career (A number of folks are not enjoying their careers or want a change or something sha and need direction from God on what to do)
  6. Knowing God more (Knowing God more is the most important thing shey you all know? A person who knows God and keeps seeking to know him more will not marry wrong)
  7. Playing their part in nation building (Have you ever prayed that someone will play their part in making Naija better? It is not only Buhari we should pray for.)
  8. Good health (No need to explain this too)
  9. Building healthy relationships (Not romantic relationships obviously. Pray that folks make the right friends, find the right mentors etc.)
  10. Add your own here ………………………………………………………… (just make sure it has nothing to with marriage)

Remember, I am not anti-marriage or against praying that people should get married and marry right at that. I just think there are other things that need your prayers too. Wait, did Jesus ever even pray for anyone to get married????? That just occurred to me but I will not dwell on that. My rant is hereby declared over. Thank you for expanding your minds with my rant.

Lastly, to all you good people out there. This is a personal mini rant. Stop telling me about how I will change (become less waka waka, become more girly, become more kitchen friendly bla, bla) when I get married or get into a relationship. Keep that opinion to yourself please. I know your intentions are good, I just do not appreciate it. Plus you saying things like that makes it look like my life as a single is deficient/sub-standard and will only improve when I get a SO. If it so bothers you, give me something practical that may change the situation, if not, please keep that opinion in your head, no need to share it with me. Lemme live my life!

I am not angry, just not amused

I am not angry, just not amused

My 100 Truths – Version 2

So I originally did this back in November 2014 (whoa, almost 2 years ago), I will do it again without deleting my 2014 answers, my 2016 answers will be next to them in a different colour. Here we go!

  1. Last beverage ~ Habib fura and yoghurt. I don’t know if it counts as a beverage but it is a heavenly something/ Lol, still Habib yoghurt and fura. I have not had anything else in the past two weeks that is a beverage, not had tea, soda etc
  2. Last phone call~ A colleague, had to find out where she placed some documents/ Leke. He’s a friend who owns ‘my second house’, I called him to ensure he left the key to house behind for me so I could waltz in anytime I like. (I hope the guy won’t ban me from coming to his house one day)
  3. Last text message~ Someone I ordered cupcakes from/ Chioma Chuka
  4. Last song you listened to~ Am I Wrong by Nico & Vinz./ Good Good Father by Chirs Tomlin
  5. Last time you cried~ I can’t remember but it must have been in church sha. Sometimes worshipping God in song tends to do that to you./ Proper cry: sometime between August 7 and 14, that was one tough week and people were just trying to take the piss out of me. Small cry: that was thanks to one person like that and it was sometime in the 3rd week of August I think. But really, I have cried some this 2016 o.


  1. Dated someone twice ~ Nope/Nope
  2. Been cheated on? ~ Nope/Nope and never will be
  3. Kissed someone & regretted it ? ~ Yes/Of course, still yes
  4. Lost someone special? Yes, my granddad/Still the same
  5. Been depressed? ~ No/Nah, can’t be depressed biko, I have got joy like a river in my soul
  6. Been high? – No/Does being high on the Most High count?


  1. Orange because it is just so bright and happy/Still orange
  2. Purple just because/Still purple
  3. I don’t have a third. Any other colour will do/Been liking me some grey this week sha


  1. Have you made new friends this year ~ Yes!/Of kes
  2. Fallen out of love ~ Yes/No
  3. Laughed until you cried ~ Yes/No, but I have laughed until I peed a little
  4. Met someone who changed you ~ Yes/No
  5. Found out who your true friends were ~ I’ve known them for a while/Still the same but I have made some more awesome friends too
  6. Found out someone was talking about you ~ Yes/Yes but in a good way, I like to believe someone out there is extolling my ‘virtues’ or broadcasting my ‘exploits’, lol
  7. Kissed anyone on your top friends list ~ Nope/Nope and will forever be no


  1. How many people on your Twitter do you know in real life ~ About a third of them/Still the same figure
  2. How many kids do you want to have ~ Four. 2 sets of confusingly identical twins/Lol, my desire hasn’t changed on this
  3. Do you have any pets ~ No/No, sadly
  4. Do you want to change your name ~ Absolutely not!/Heaven no!
  5. What did you do for your last birthday ~ Went with a couple of friends to voluntarily donate blood/Love this one! I started AboCoders on this day! (Talking blood donation, need to find a centre here in Minna been over 4 months since I last donated)
  6. What time did you wake up today ~ 4.57am/Alarm woke me by 5.55am but my final wake up was at 7.11am after sleeping by 4.36am
  7. What were you doing at midnight last night ~ Sleeping/Working
  8. Name something you CANNOT wait for ~ Nothing really. I have things I look forward to sha e.g miracles, masters, my first million, marriage/sex etc/Still the same things, I am not happy that my first million is still on this list sha. Never hexperredit. Let’s get this Simi! 
  9. Last time you saw your father ~ Last week in July/Sometime during the third week of July
  10. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life ~ Nothing actually. My life isn’t perfect but I love it/At this moment, my country. Still love Naija though, I am just not all gung ho about her atm.
  11. What are you listening to right now ~ Nothing/Nothing
  12. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom ~ Yes/Of kes, still yes
  13. What’s getting on your nerves right now? ~ It isn’t exactly easy to get on my nerves sha but my boss making me work late today isn’t making me happy either/Some of the parents of potential AboCoders trainees, check the story here.
  14. Most visited webpage ~ these days (Yes, I like awoof)/Still Google. Zikoko has bumped DealDey from the list
  15. What’s your real name ~ Simi/Simi
  16. Relationship Status ~ Single/In a relationship
  17. Zodiac sign ~ Libra but it doesn’t mean a thing to me/I believe it is still Libra
  18. Male or female ~ Female I believe/Still female o, one has to be very emphatic about such things these days. I was, am and will always be female
  19. Elementary School ~ St. Clare’s Nur & Pry School, Osogbo/Same na
  20. Middle School ~ Doesn’t apply here in Naija/Same
  21. High school ~ ISI of life!!! For you who are not privileged to know ISI, it is The International School, University of Ibadan/Same
  22. Hair color ~ Mix of black and dark brown/Black atm, hoping to get red in there soon
  23. Long or short ~ Short now. Returned natural a year ago, so I’ve got a beautiful, healthy fro!/Rocking a TWA atm, shaved off all of my hair at the end of March, see the picture below, loved the experienceCHAM8711
  24. Height ~ 5ft 6″/I hope I have not grown shorter o
  25. Do you have a crush on someone ~ Nope/Nope, think I need to find me a new crush
  26. What do you like about yourself ~ Na long list be dis o. I love my faith in my God, my free spirit, my independence, my confidence, my body, my ability to laugh at myself, my intelligence, my forthrightness, my large heart, my ability to view the world and people around me without suspicion, my don’t give a hoot attitude, my awesomeness, my quirks and pet peeves and right now the fact that I am trying to ‘unlearn’ some character traits./Need to add my doggedness and ruggedness to this list
  27. Piercings ~ Just the regular one on each ear which I sometimes wish I never had/Still the same but now I am fantasising of a navel piercing, I already have a nice navel section to begin with *wink*
  28. Tattoos ~ Nope but some day/None still, maybe 2016 will end with me having one
  29. Righty or lefty ~ Righty but I love lefties/Still love lefties, always secretly hoped that bae would be a lefty but alas


  1. First surgery ~ Never had one/Does a dental extraction count as one? Jesus, still waiting on you to replace the tooth that was taken out
  2. First piercing ~ Ears/Same of kes
  3. First tattoo ~ None/Sadly none
  4. First best friend ~ Ojebz/Same. She was the first and only friend to defriend me too
  5. First Sport ~ Basketball/Same. I haven’t played in over 2 years though *tears* hopefully I will get to do something about this next week
  6. First pet ~ Never had one/Still no pet, met a cute dog last month though, his name is Corna I think or is it Corner? The dude likes corners
  7. First vacation ~ As far as I am concerned I have never had anything that fits this bill/Still none *I am not crying, there is just a lot of water in my eyes*.mj tears
  8. First concert ~ Can’t remember/Later remembered this one, it was a music concert in ISI
  9. First crush ~ Omo, I have had way too many o. Been having crushes on a steady since I was in Primary 1 or so. How I go take remember na?/I remember the guy but not his name, he was in Primary 6 when I was in Primary 3 and the school library was where our ‘love’ began
  10. First alcohol drink ~ Guinness I think. Took what was left of my dad’s beer one day. Horrible stuff. Don’t know how folks can stand to drink it/Ain’t nothing changed about this.


  1. Eating ~ Nothing/Nothing, I am super hungry atm
  2. Drinking ~ Nothing/Nothing
  3. I’m about to ~ Head home, hopefully/Delve into work
  4. Listening to ~ Nothing/Nothing
  5. Waiting for ~ Boss to release me from work. Ka sha ma se dada/To finish screening the last set of potential beneficiaries
  6. Thinking about ~ All the work I have to do/Lol, my life has not changed cuz I am still thinking about the tons of work I have to do once I am done with this


  1. Want to get married ~ Yep! Ain’t no confusion about that/Yes, I waver sometimes though but last, last I want to get married
  2. Want kids ~ Yep! Ain’t no confusion about that too/Yes, the thought is a bit scary but yes


  1. Lips or eyes~ Eyes/Lips. No, eyes. Err, not sure which I prefer atm, think I am tending towards eyes sha
  2. Hugs or kisses ~ Hugs/Hugs
  3. Shorter or taller ~ Taller I think, not necessarily sha/Same
  4. Older or Younger ~ Any in age but in intellect and emotional intelligence, older/Don’t really care, just be smart and hot
  5. Romantic or spontaneous ~ Spontaneous. A spontaneous person tends to be romantic too/Both biko
  6. Nice stomach or nice arms ~ Nice stomach I think/Stomach abeg
  7. Tattoos or piercings ~ Tattoos/Think I am liking both equally now
  8. Sensitive or loud ~ Sensitive/Sensitive
  9. Hook-up or relationship ~ Hook-up for wetin na? My time is too precious/Nah, nah, who hook-up don epp?
  10. Trouble maker or hesitant ~ Certified trouble maker/Trouble maker, think I got this already


  1. Kissed a stranger ~ Nope/Still no and will always be no, except I decide to role play with hubs one day
  2. Drank hard liquor ~ Nope/Mba
  3. Lost glasses/contacts ~ Nope/Mba, don’t wear them
  4. Cried in front on someone ~ I think so/Ah, yes.
  5. Broken someone’s heart ~ I hope not/I think so
  6. Had your own heart broken ~ Never/Nope
  7. Been arrested ~ Never/Rara o. Ta ni mo fe fi jo?
  8. Turned someone down ~ Yes/Before nko?
  9. Cried when someone died ~ Yes/Yes
  10. Liked a friend that is a girl ~ I like all my girl friends #NoHomo/Love you all, girlfriends


  1. Yourself ~ Absolutely/Tots
  2. Miracles ~ Totally. I have a God and I know what He can do/Without a doubt
  3. Love at first sight ~ Nope/Nope
  4. Heaven ~ Sure!/Of course
  5. Santa Clause ~ Of course not/Mba
  6. Kissing on the first date ~ No way/Nope
  7. Angels ~ Yes!/Yes


  1. Is there one person you want to be with right now ~ Nope/Nope
  2. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time ~ Nope/Nope
  3. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever ~ Yes/Yes
  4. What’s the one thing you cannot live without ~ Oxygen/I refuse to be addicted to anything o
  5. Posting this as 100 Truths ~ Yes/Yelz ke



On Kidnapping Merit

Yay! Finally, a post! I have had like 10 unfinished posts sitting pretty in my drafts since 2014, Abba help me. Been so hard to just sit down and put together a post, maybe I just suck at time management sha. I hail all you everyday bloggers o!

So it is 2.36am and I am lying on my bed with mixed feelings.

  • Hunger. I had just one measly meal yesterday and I cannot wait for daylight to come so I can get some brekkie.
  • Annoyance. Someone who should know better is annoying me and I am just tired biko
  • Hope. I am feeling hopeful about the next couple of weeks, exciting things are set to unfold for me personally and career wise. Abba is at work
  • Disturbance. Had two disturbing experiences yesterday that just make me sad for Nigeria and this is what forms the crux of this post

We were recruiting some more beneficiaries for AboCoders Minna yesterday and we had invited some ladies from Chanchaga local government to be screened. One man dropped off his daughter who is a secondary school graduate and is at least 20 years old. He wanted to go get another of his daughters but we were done with screening for the day so we told him she could only come the next day. The man then took his leave saying he would come pick his daughter up after the screening.

Fast forward some thirty minutes, I check our official phone and see three missed calls on it. I called back and it turns out to be this man who just dropped off his daughter. The conversation went thus:

Man: Madam, na me wey just drop my daughter for your domain

Me: Oh, okay sir.

Man: Abeg, I need a favour from you.

Me: Okay sir, what is it?

Man: I said I need a favour. I want her to enter

Me: Oh I see, like I said we are not screening anyone again today but she can come tomorrow morning and we’ll attend to her

Man: Na me wey just drop my daughter o


The man was probably wondering what was doing me

Me: Yes sir, I know. You can come with her tomorrow (thinking he meant the other daughter)


The man just came to stress my brain ni sha

Man: No, wetin I dey say is that I need your favour for the exam, I want her to enter so be lenient with the marking
Me: (Understanding slowly dawning) What?

Man: Ehn, please be lenient with the marking, I want make she get this computer training make she enter

Me: (Too shocked to find words to reply) Oh okay sir, we will mark her script


I understand you now sire

Man: Thank you. I go dey call you well, well make you no forget

Me: No problem sir

Man: What is your name?

Me: Amara (giving him the name of the team lead who usually mans the phone)

Man: Thank you very much, ehn

Me: Okay. (Cuts the call)

That was the first experience. I was so shocked and so disheartened by that exchange, do we not value excellence and merit anymore? Why do we have to try to cut corners everywhere? I have always known things like this happen but to be directly propositioned this way was a new thing. This is not even school that they have to attend and complete with a good grade. If folks are willing to to do this for something ‘insignificant’ what will happen in weightier situations. This same day, the mother of some of the girls to be screened had sent the names of her two daughters to Amara asking that they be included on the master list. Biko, epp me ask her which master list? I wonder where she got that idea from.

Nigerians, warrido? Where is merit? Where is excellence? Paul Azino said “justice has been kidnapped in my country and no one is willing to pay her ransom”. Alas, same goes for merit, it has been kidnapped in Nigeria and no one wants to pay her ransom.

As for the man and his request, for sure I will be paying no heed to it for a number of reasons:

  1. I am a person of integrity and anything outside that is a no-no for me and that extends to my enterprises
  2. I would be doing myself and AboCoders a disservice by admiitng someone who did not pass the simple screening. The screening has just basic English, Math and IT questions (JSS1 level o), anyone who can not score at least 50% definitely has a problem with English and that would make training such a person super difficult and ultimately useless, except we want to train her on literacy and numeracy first
  3. I do not even know the girl’s name as in I cannot match face to name so even if I wanted to be lenient with the marking I can’t
  4. I refuse to aid someone in achieving the right results but with the wrong method

As for the second experience, it unfolded in a discussion I had with a young man that lives close to the centre. That has to be a post on its own. Talk about counterfeit naira notes, pickpocketing and ‘hustling’, I got to hear firsthand behind the scenes info. I weep for my country.

Thanks for reading my first post blogging celibacy post. Anyone have experiences similar to the above, please share. One day I will come and gist you about those that wanted an allowance, those that wanted to sue us and those that wanted to ‘share in our glory’.

*without wax*


TechHer, Abocoders, and women in tech…

The old wives’ fable is that we women are fond of tearing one another down and generally just beefing each other unnecessarily. I have always found that not to be true in my case, my biggest champions have been women and I know I have been a champion for other women out there. Chioma Chuka of TechHer NG just confirms my narrative as she has taken it upon herself & TechHer NG to champion the cause of AboCoders. The entire AboCoders team, all the trainees, me, myself and I are uber grateful for the support from TechHer NG!

So good people, please join this campaign to get computers for our girls. Let us help our sisters. We can do this, we can make lives better for other Nigerians without government or foreign aid, this is one opportunity to do so. Feel free to reach out to me via I look forward to hearing from you all.

Fairy Godsister's Blog

When I started TechHer in August 2015, more than anything I was interested in some sort of convergence point for women working in or around or with technology. In the same way that the ‘boys club’ exists and men grab drinks after work and that’s where the proverbial big decisions are taken etc., I wanted a community where women would feel safe to ask anything, say anything, and feel confident to be (or at least dream of being) anything.

By the way, if you’re female, working in technology, interested in enhancing whatever it is you’re working on via digital, please find us online – @TechHerNG (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) or visit our website – and stay in touch with us! Alternatively, you can join our whatsapp group; send a text to 09083041940 and someone will sort you out. Okay?

Back to the story. In the course of running TechHer I’ve been…

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She Will Be Loved

She will be loved

Even when she is being stubborn

When she tries to go it on her own

When she decides she is smarter than him

She will be loved








She will be loved

When she messes up her life so bad

When she makes decisions a child wouldn’t

When she acts with no iota of sense

She will be loved


She will be loved

When she is all sad and depressed

When she can only see grey in her life

When all the cheer and joy seems non existent

She will be loved


She will be loved

When she is being smart

When she is obedient and loyal

When she is treading the path carved for her

She will be loved









She will be loved

When she turns to the dark

When to the light she turns her back

When all caution to the wind she throws

She will be loved


She will be loved

When she is PMsing and being bitchy

When she can’t be bothered to smile

When she’d rather read trash not his message

She will be loved


She will be loved

When she causes men to stumble

When she helps people find light

When she herself stumbles

She will be loved


She will be loved

Through it all

Because God is Love

And she is eklektos

Child Rape. Child Protection

I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that someone would forcefully have sex with a kid! That’s about the height of depravity. Reading about incidents like this and this just always leaves me amazed. I find it just ……! (I have no words to describe how such incidents make me feel).



A few weeks I went down south to spend some time with my family and my mom who is the principal of a government junior secondary school shared with me some things that students in her school go through. One of the what she shared was about a boy who used to sleep with older women and they basically were responsible for bankrolling his life. She told me about a young girl who had been molested by an older man and was now pregnant. One common denominator among all these young folks she told me about is that after whatever first incident they went through, their lives all took a turn for the worse.


There are not a lot of things as important as child protection. Taking away their rights to life, survival and development is what happens when they are sexually molested. Their rights to be heard and to non discrimination are taken away too and their best interests are totally thrown aside. The statistics for India below are just devastating. In Nigeria, the figures are just as devastating and it is sadder to realise that we do not even have the correct statistics as a lot of such cases pass under the radar.

th22_city_childrap_1434628f (1)


Our children need to be protected, dysfunctional children become dysfunctional adults and dysfunctional adults contribute to making a dysfunctional society. These cases cannot be swept under the rug, we need to see to the complete rehabilitation of survivors and to the punishment of the offenders. Above all we need to ensure that these cases stop totally. Children need to be clearly taught how to protect themselves and how to report any slightest incidence no matter the form of threat or coercion they experience.



We need more child protectors out here. As a mother, father, older sibling or family member or even neighbour you are in the position to be a child protector. Show them love, let them know the harsh possibilities in this world and prepare them ahead for it.

If you would like to know more about how to protect our children please reach out to The Eight Foundation or to Kingsley Udo a fierce child protector.

Covenant of Purity

This post here is one I struggled with. To write or not to write? Apparently, I finally decided I would. I’m writing the post for myself as much as it is for the readers. In this age of extreme sexual perversion, it is becoming increasingly harder to stay pure and if you do not stand for something you will fall for anything. I just want to share my story of entering into a covenant of purity with God.

I’m a confirmed #TeamNoSexBeforeMarriage member. Nothing is taking me out of that team. Twale to my team members all over the world. My own focus wasn’t just about no sex till marriage but purity as well. However, over time I realized that I was using the #NoSexBeforeMarriage thing to cut corners on maintaining purity. Purity is not just about abstaining from sex, it is also about your thoughts, what you read and watch and other things aside the act of intercourse. I’ve heard of people who have done everything there is to do in sex asides the actual penetration. That’s not purity.

At a point in time in my life when my walk with God was just yo-yoing up and down, I began to pay attention to the wrong things and my standards and definition of purity began to change. I caught myself in time and just had to make a turnaround. So during the last week of 2014, I do not remember the exact day, I entered into a covenant of purity with God. I also set the boundaries of that covenant.

We agreed that there would be well delineated limits of physical intimacy for me before marriage with any man be it (friend, boyfriend or fiancée). Asides that I was going to never pay attention to literature with erotic content (explicit or not) as well as images and videos. That is my covenant with God. On the 1st of April, I renewed that covenant just to strengthen myself and decided I was going to blog about it. Putting it out here gives me a higher level of accountability and I hope it encourages someone out there.

Now, just to be clear. I’m totally not the holier-than-thou type, not at all. Those who know me can attest to that. I’ve stumbled quite a number of times along the way. I’ve thought the wrong things, read the wrong things, watched the wrong things and even made out with one or two guys. Trust me, it is not easy putting myself out here like this but I do so knowing someone will be encouraged and strengthened. But I have retraced my steps and I have set myself limits. I realized that one main reason why I stumbled was because I set no boundaries or limits and I’m sure that’s the case for people with similar experiences. You might think my limits are too severe but I know myself and what would work best for me. I also know that the limits are very much attainable.

Another note to be clear on: I’m not trying to judge anyone here, every man stands individually before God and relates with him personally. Whatever you do is yours and is totally none of my business. I do know however based on my faith and belief in Christ that sexual purity is the way to go and I’m sticking to it with all of me. It would be great if you joined me. Trust me, the stress is less, no kidding!

Here’s to the journey of sexual purity between my Lord and I.


Update. August 31, 2016

I failed.

Sometime last year while discussing abstinence and boundaries with someone, he said to  me “It’s like you have never known what it means to really crave someone”. I just brushed off what he said thinking to myself “You dey kampe jor”. Oh boy, the lessons I have learnt in a year ehn and the mistakes I have made.

I must confess up until last month, I had not been super faithful with my covenant of purity. I got into a relationship some months back and that was when I understood what my friend meant about having a craving for someone. I also made the mistake of not setting SPECIFIC boundaries, I just thought since we were both Christians and were both on the same page as per sex before marriage that we would be good. How wrong we were. We had some days of serious struggle and it was not pretty. We had to sit and craft specific boundaries, foremost of which is No Kissing. I also was not strict with the content I let into my mind so that had to be worked on too.

So this is me just saying I made a promise, I failed at it and now I am retracing my steps in a bid to do better with Abba’s help.